”5 step rocket or how to proceed with multiple sclerosis diagnosis.
When something as violent as MS hits a human being, it is torn out of its usual existence. It can feel as if one's body and health, one's employment, relationships and values, what one believes in - yes even one's identity is shattered by the kind life gives one. From being in the middle of one's daily life, one is thrown into a no man's land, helplessly at the mercy of this supremacy, where everything one senses and gathers in addition to one's symptoms is all that was that is no more. It is a shock to body and soul to suddenly be in a vacuum, a void without anything to orient or grab, a free fall that does not stop again.
In this situation, the afflicted must still relate to his "life" which does not wait for that reason and its surroundings, which is an impossibility in that state. A pervasive reaction process is underway, different from individual to individual. Some overreact, others suppress their reaction and others react naturally to this traumatic loss they have suffered and their fear of the future. Here it is that everyone wants to see the situation in their eyes and see to move on with life. It seems that the others still have their needs and desires to be fulfilled, the expectations and requirements come back quickly when they see that you have survived and probably just need to get out, talk about things and get to the huddles. In fact, you have to do the same as before, now there is just the sclerosis above that needs to be cleared. But it just doesn't work. You quickly find that if you continue as before, things will get worse.
Here it is incredibly important to acknowledge that this loss of life as something safe and nice to be counted on and trusted would continue to trigger a vigorous grief process that must necessarily go through before being ready to resume life as it is now. These challenges cannot be tackled before the shock and fear have subsided, the grief of the lost is burned out and the loss accepted fully. But to get started on this process it is vital to understand, preferably with the help of good friends or a psychologist / psychotherapist, where you are in the process right now and get a new perspective that is at a distance from the overwhelmed reaction state.
There are 5 stages in all loss processes and as long as a person cannot understand what is going on, that is, what a situation you are in and what it requires of one, or recognizing your current reaction, then it is easy to get stuck in one phase by trying to avoid what feels too difficult to tackle alone, namely the grief itself. There may be several reasons to try to avoid the grief, the pain of despair and the isolation. Maybe you are used to showing up as the strong and taking responsibility for others and therefore dare not lose control emotionally or you are used to not being cared for or dominated and therefore refusing to show "weakness," being vulnerable and upset it obviously as an adult. The exaggerated reaction comes when there are already wounds to the soul that have been suppressed and now break out of this loss. Otherwise, the causes of the reaction are the same as for the aforementioned, subconsciously now chosen simply the opposite extreme. If, on the other hand, there is a healthy and natural response to the shock, that is, a grieving process that unfolds freely as long as it lasts, then one will be able to move into an acceptance of what happened relatively quickly and learn to move on and live with the physical restrictions and the new terms. Below is a description of the “5 step rocket” and the individual hit can then feel, feel and think about whether one of the descriptions fits what you are just in the middle of and personally review right now. But even those who have moved on can stop and see where they themselves got stuck and where it easier slipped on to the next process.
Phase 1) The shock.
Life feels ruined, in ruins and it is easy to try to convince yourself that it is not reality, but just a nightmare that suddenly ends and everything is back as before. You simply do not take it as others say to one, but rather, like the ostrich, hide their head in the sand and think "this is not happening, this." It is the child in us, the irresponsible, who tests the power of power to see if it can be done to make things disappear by closing their eyes, denying their existence. "Maybe if I can't see it, it can't see me either."
Phase 2) The loss of control.
When one realizes that it is futile to deny the loss that has been made, it follows that one becomes completely out of oneself with rage. Self-control takes a turn and you are in a rage. The logic of this is that the power of the superpower must be tested, because perhaps it is still possible to intimidate, overpower or destroy the enemy. It is again a natural, childish powerless reaction to getting the opposite of what one wants which is care and love. "What the hell does life really look like?" In any case, it should not be said that no opposition was made.
Phase 3) Negotiation.
At one point one realizes that one's race has no influence whatsoever on the power which is invisible and the only thing one finds is his own exhaustion. One's next step is then of a more strategic nature, a learned manipulation of the stronger, but perhaps no smarter than one himself. You start negotiating with destiny and try everything to find your way to its heart and soften it. You humiliate yourself, petition and promise everything to repent or simply exasperate the unknown authority to make things better for one or to recover just a little from the lost.
Phase 4) The hopelessness.
Then you acknowledge that even this strategy goes no where and all the cards are played. The game has failed and now the hopelessness takes over as there is no help in getting anywhere against this evil. You give up the fight and the resistance and then succumb to emptiness or depression, emotionally and mentally stalled and put to sleep. It is the third option an individual has to try to avoid danger when both escape and counter attack cannot be used. There is no acceptance of the situation as the child's unconscious strategy is to disappear from the danger zone by being so dead in advance that nothing can touch one anymore.
Phase 5) Acceptance.
Only when even the relinquishing victim role is understood as a reprieve and an attempt to escape being seriously affected does the acceptance come and take the stage. When this happens to one - as an absence of all efforts to avoid the pain - it often comes as a surprise that one is now completely relaxed and calm about the situation and at the same time the full effect of the loss feels much easier to bear than one could imagine. . It is not because the grief is not great, but because one's life force is not tied up in fear and evasion reactions one is ready to go with the storm instead of against it and a feeling of being carried through the emotional storm arises and relatively soon one is ready to the next step: To begin to digest its gentle compassion and to understand and express with words and feelings what has happened, both what has been lost and what has come instead. This new perspective is the beginning of the second process needed to overcome the loss.
This process is about redefining one's life in the light of what happened, finding new attitudes and values, where the old were and new identities, new meaning with life and new attitudes in life that match the person you are now both physically and mentally. It is essential, very carefully, to choose precisely the elements that will form the platform to create, in safety and balance with the surroundings, exactly the life that suits one and fits one, so that what was unhappy can end up being turned to greater quality of life. created by one's life experience, willpower and an acute sense that life is a precious gift that requires saying YES to it. It may require rejecting things, habits and people in one's life that hold one in the old way of living life that is harmful to one now, and if it is too hard to get started again and at the same time stay free of the ghosts of the past, both outside and inside oneself, vulnerable as one is, then professional support may be needed for a course of self-development, where one is always held on to one's true values and the goals one has with life.
(by Therapist Søren Beejo Hansen)